![]() ![]() I destroyed Brigand Vvulf nearly untouched the first time he crossed my path. ![]() I have consumed the bacon of the Swine God, I have drowned the Hag in her own burbling pot I have admired the pelagic boobage of the Siren and stuffed her into California rolls. ![]() This was not an occasional occurrence I paid attention as the Tempting Goblet-slinging bone noble achieved this feat a dozen times across multiple battles.Īnd yet, despite all of this grousing, I also have lain waste to every boss in the game outside the dungeon. I have watched in awe as cosmic horrors took their turns before my heroes, despite their speed rating being 6 points less than my most nimble warrior. My heroes, on the other hand, tend to strike pitifully compared to the statistical possibilities of their rank and equipment. I have suffered back-to-back-to-back critical shots by the enemy dealing enormous sums of damage, often reducing a hero to death’s door outright in the late-game. I have seen a hero go from zero stress to madness in a single turn. While party composition, trinket selection and strategy are critical, they are critical in the same way strategy is important playing poker: a supplement to good fortune, but no amount of strategy ever will overturn a run of terrible luck.Īt the feet of RNGesus I have lain the bodies of dozens of heroes. It’s rather like saying farewell to a treasured old friend who occasionally leaps out from behind a bush and punts me in the crotch. While I am sad that I will not see beyond the Shuffling Horror on my own playthrough, I am willing after all this time to see the eldritch things I’ve missed on wikis or let’s play videos. After all this time, the potential reward no longer is worth the time investment. You remember our venerable house? Named for the gibbering professions of a withered cinematographer for whom a marathon viewing of Soul Plane had filled the day, it is a house without a future.Īs of this dawning, the mercenaries of our embattled family will turn their swords and armor over to the crag-faced blacksmith, and the ocular mollusks burbling below will be given freedom to engulf our history.Īt last, I must abandon my quest to reach the evil within the Darkest Dungeon. Week 234 has risen over the hills underlooking the Darkest DeezNutz Estate. ![]()
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